My 101 Bets, Predictions, Things, & Thoughts for the 2025-26 NFL Season

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FOOTBALL’S BACK!!!

The time has officially come for my biennial blog. 

The amount of AI and ChatGPT memes that surface on my timeline on a daily basis have been more annoying than First Take’s coverage of the Summer of Micah’s contract dispute with the Cowboys. 

I’ll save my thoughts on Parsons for later.

Rest assured, there was zero artificial intelligence help here for this piece.

It was a fucking tremendously slow, sports summer. That was brutal. Thank goodness for the Men’s/Women’s World Cup and Olympics that will save us in summers of 2026-2028.

Feels to great to be back! I miss writing blogs at times as much as the former Astronomer CEO – Andy Byron – misses his ex-wife at summer concerts. The love for typing words fades in and out.

@fatandweirdcookie

So many delicious options vs. looking guilty for the world to see 😂 🍪 #cookie #funny #andybyron #dontgetcaught #coldplay #viral #cheating Astronomer CEO Andy Byron at Coldplay Concert

♬ original sound – Fat & Weird Cookie Company

Anywayssssssssss, after an arduous 205+ days where the Eagles brought the biggest Belt-To-Ass beatdown of the Mahomes era.

@libertylinephl

CJ Gardner Johnson Belt 2 Ass 🦅

♬ original sound – The Liberty Line

Pro Football is back, baby.

Good luck to all your fantasy teams, DFS lineups, and “Responsible” gambling wagers this season.

*** All odds are courtesy of FanDuel Sportsbook ***

Alas, 

Here are 101 Bets, Predictions, and Thoughts that I believe will happen during the 2025-26 NFL Season.

Cheers *pints clank* .

  1. The Dallas Cowboys will cover the (+8.5) spread tonight against the Eagles on TNF.
  2. Cris Collinsworth will climax at least eight times in the booth next to Mike Tirico over an innocuous Dak Prescott scramble-outside-of-the-pocket-for-a-completed-pass play.
  3. The Philadelphia Eagles will NOT repeat as Super Bowl Champions.
  4. Jalen Hurts does not get the love he deserves as an “elite guy” in the Quarterback conversation. The Tush Push is a tired act.
  5. Micah Parsons earned his massive payday. 
  6. The Micah Parsons saga was a nauseating carnival ride for the entire summer.
  7. Working at the DMV seems more fun than being one of the writers or producers for First Take or First Things First that talked about him everyday for four months.
  8. Playing an NFL game on a Friday night is so stupid.
  9. That said, on Friday night, the YouTube Chargers (+142) will upset the Kansas City Chiefs in São Paulo, Brazil.
  10.  Scott Hanson will finish just shy of 455,000 followers on Twitter (not X, Fuck You, if you refer to it as that) after Week 18 on January 4th, 2026.
  11.  ESPN buying the rights to NFL RedZone was an utterly, atrocious decision on the League’s front. Roger Goodell, dude, my goodness…
  12.  Rest In Peace to the phrase – “7 HOURS OF COMMERCIAL FREE FOOTBALL STARTS NOW!”
    • “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.” – Andy Bernard
  13.  The ESPN bundle package. Amazon Prime. YouTube TV. Hulu “HAS LIVE SPORTS.” Paramount+. Peacock. Netflix. This is becoming too much for the consumer. 
    • Yet, I am still the stupid one because I pay for all of them.
  14.  I HATE the NFL playing games on Christmas Day.
    • Unless it actually falls on a Sunday. ENOUGH ALREADY!!!
  15.  ESPN has become that one childhood best friend of yours from down the street that became such an oddity as you got older, that you outgrew and unfollowed them on every platform because they act like they joined a cult.
    • It is honestly depressing how much that network has fallen off in 10 years with the exception of the few (knowledgeable and entertaining) on-air talents. 
    • S/o the College Gameday Crew (thank you Lee Corso), Chris Fowler-Kirk Herbstreit, Joe Buck-Troy Aikman, Scott Van Pelt-Stanford Steve, Mike Breen and co. Stephen A. Smith, Chuck-Shaq-Kenny-Ernie, Dan Shulman, Jeff Passan, Tim Kurkjian, Buster Olney, Tony Kornheiser-Michael Wilbon, Field Yates, Dan Orlovsky, Mina Kimes, and Rich Eisen. There are a couple more, but I am forgetting.
      • Back to Business!!!!
  16.  There will be three NFC North Teams that make the playoffs. (+305)
  17.  CeeDee Lamb will lead the league in receiving yards with 1500+ yards.
    • The Cowboys will miss the playoffs.
  18. Tyreek Hill will not force a trade from the Dolphins before the deadline on Tuesday, November 4th. Miami will be (2-7) by then and Mike McDaniel’s ass will be on the scorching hot seat.
    • Tyreek will finish in the top 5 in receiving yards this season.
    • Mike McDaniel went from looking like the software IT Company Guy to a Mango’s Club promoter handing out QR codes to almost being unemployed in a span of three years.
    • Mike McDaniel will be fired on January 5th, 2026 – Black Monday.
  19.  Saquon Barkley rushed for 2005 yards in 2024. He will finish with 974 yards (and 7 less rushing TD’s because of Jalen Hurts vulturing them at the goal line) in 2025. 
  20.  This will be the third straight season where no Quarterback throws for more than 5000 yards. Joe Burrow will be the closest with more than 4750 yards.
    • Tom Brady (at 44 years old) threw for 5250 yards. 
    • In 1984, when defenders could come as close to decapitation of pass catchers without being incarcerated, Dan Marino threw for 5084 yards. 
  21.  Aidan Hutchinson will lead all pass rushers with 19.5 sacks and win Comeback Player of the Year and Defensive Player of the Year.
    • Hutch just needs a new State Farm commercial. 
  22.  Christian McCaffrey will win the most-annoying person in your group chat their fantasy league during Championship Weekend in December.
  23.  If you bet the Buffalo Bills to win the AFC East – you’d have to wager $270 to win $100. They are winning the AFC East.
    • This is the best chance Josh Allen will have to win the Super Bowl.
    • The Mahomes vs Allen-Burrow-Jackson debate is so reminiscent of the Brady vs Manning topic in the mid-2000’s. I would devour every Sports Illustrated article or sports talk radio segment on who was the better quarterback.
    • TikTok sucks because it’s addicting and ruining everything. Alabama enthusiast Jason Whitlock is crazy too.
    • The Bills were the featured team on HBO Hard Knocks and have teased their fanbase with wind patterns in their brand new stadium getting ready to open next season.
  24.  I predict by 2036, Hard Knocks will become extinct.
  25.  The only teams to have never appeared on the training camp or in-season edition of Hard Knocks are the New England Patriots, Denver Broncos, Jacksonville Jaguars, Tennessee Titans, Green Bay Packers, San Francisco 49ers, Minnesota Vikings, Carolina Panthers, and the New Orleans Saints. 
  26.  Mike Vrabel will win C.O.Y and you will see a dramatic turnaround in New England.
  27.  We will not see the rekindled Big Ten magic Justin Fields and Garrett Wilson created playing in Columbus. Yet, Aaron Glenn will improve this team. I say 6 wins.
    • The Aaron Rodgers New York Jets era was an unmitigated (hysterical) disaster.
  28.  The Miami Dolphins will contend for the #1 overall pick next Spring.
    • I don’t think Tua will play more than 15 games.
    • The image of him fencing in 2022 is still frightening to look at.
  29.  AFC West Head Coach (Supremacy) List: Andy Reid, Jim Harbaugh, Pete Caroll, Sean Payton.
    • Is it 2013 again? 
    • Can you get any more Alpha’s in here?
    • This is the most entertaining division in totality next to the AFC North.
    • 718 combined wins as head coaches. 6 Super Bowls. ONE pair of Khaki’s.
  30.  The Kansas City Chiefs will not win the AFC West.
  31.  I hate that I am sipping the media Kool-Aid on the Denver Broncos. At (+290), I have a hunch they are going to win the AFC West. Fuck me for even thinking that.
  32. Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are officially engaged. 37 million people liked their flowery Instagram post.
    • Holy fuck….
    • Travis Kelce was apparently sick during their Super Bowl loss. A healthy Kelce still would not have helped the mauling Mahomes endured that evening.
    • Between the 1.2M people who tuned into the livestream of the Kelce Brothers’ New Heights podcast in the middle of August and this news, it is crazy how much the internet short-circuited over it.
    • Slow…. Summer…….
  33.  Why did Mahomes shave his trademark haircut? Dynasty OVER!
  34.  Travis Kelce will somehow have 8 TDs and help someone win a fantasy league.
  35.  Bet the Under (7.5) games for the Raiders win total. Pete Carroll is back at the helm and will be competitive but it’s a gauntlet of a division.
    • Tom Brady being their partial owner is still crazy to me.
    • Ashton Jeanty will push Cam Ward this season for O.R.O.Y until the very end.
  36. The last time the Chargers won the AFC West was in 2009. They were still in San Diego. 
    • In that same 2009 calendar year: 
    • Avatar was #1 in the box office. The Hangover and UP were released as well that year. 
    • Matthew Stafford was finishing up his rookie season.
    • Michael Jackson died.
    • Satoshi Nakamoto mined the genesis block of..…. Bitcoin.
  37.  If Justin Herbert played in San Diego, where he belongs, he would be in the Allen-Burrow-Jackson group ready to dethrone Mahomes. 
  38.  Instead, by 2030, after the CBA signs off on 18 game schedules, Herbert will have played in 187 road games in his first ten years in the league.
    • I hate that owner.
  39.  Every Monday morning from September-January, Colin Cowherd will lead The Herd’s A-Block with either Caleb Williams’ inability (or ability) to grasp Ben Johnson’s playbook, Dak Prescott’s struggle to lead the Cowboys against teams with winning records (they are basically the 2024 Bengals), or Aaron Rodgers being a shell of himself in Pittsburgh.
  40. Tom Brady is indisputably the best Quarterback in the history of the sport. Greg Olsen is a 10x better play-by-play analyst and overall better voice in the booth. 
  41. The Fox NFL Sunday pregame show might set a network record with a 27-man studio crew this season.
  42. CBS NFL host, James Brown, is in negotiations for a contract extension to remain the host of The NFL Today beyond 2025 when his contract is set to expire.
  43.  Future HOFer JJ Watttttt is joining Ian Eagle as the CBS no. 2 NFL Broadcast.
    • I love JJ Watt and am eager to hear him call games. But for the minnows AKA aspiring broadcasters with zero professional or NCAA playing experience, is it even worth it for them in the future?
  44. There might be a tie between who Al Michaels hates more: Eating vegetables or working with Kirk Herbstreit.
    • It has become comical how much he hates working with him since the inception on Amazon Prime. 
    • Al Michaels is forever touted as one of the greatest voices in American Sports. 
    • Miracle on Ice in the 1980 Winter Olympics. The earthquake in the 1989 World Series. The NBA Finals. Malcolm Butler picking off Russell Wilson at the goal line.
    • He has also become the modern hybrid version of Creed and Stanley Hudson from The Office in the booth
  45. Never forget when Phil Simms farted on Jim Nantz during a Dolphins-Steelers playoff game.
  46. Hey, Tony Romo. Stop being more boring than you already are and start predicting plays again and drawing on our tv screens!!!
  47. Mark Sanchez has grown on me as the color analyst for the inevitable 4:00pm (ET) window that features a shitty NFC West or South game.
  48. Whose career would you rather have?
    • TNT’s Brian Anderson or FOX’s Joe Davis?
    • Fuck man… those guys are so lucky.
  49.  I FUCKING LOVE KEVIN HARLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  50. There will be three AFC North teams in the postseason. Ravens, Bengals, and Steelers. (+622)
  51. AFC North Champion: Baltimore Ravens (-155). Lamar Jackson is paid, hungry, and pissed off (*cough* *cough* Mark Andrews). Joe Brrrrr can carry this team to a division title but is shackled by his atrocious defense and Swiss cheese offensive line. At least Trey Hendrickson is finally paid.
  52. Aaron Rodgers will retire after the 2025-26 season. His swan song will culminate in a Wild Card loss on a Saturday.
    • Do you remember the hilarious ESPN AFC South Saturday, Wild Card Special?
    • It was a combo of those Andrew Luck, TJ Yates, and Marcus Mariota teams. 
    • Like clockwork.
  53. It is astonishing how horrendously bad the Cleveland Browns are run as an organization.
    • I want Joe Flacco to pull the Vince Carter, Chris Chelios, and Nolan Ryan card and play 25 NFL seasons.
  54. The AFC South is yucky.
  55. The Texans are the team no one is talking about in the AFC because of a slumpy sophomore season from CJ Stroud. 
  56. Stroud has more playoff wins than Justin Herbert, Kyler Murray, Trevor Lawrence, Tua Tagovailoa, Jordan Love, and Geno Smith.
    • If the offensive line is improved, they will run away with the division.
    • It won’t.
    • I predict the Houston Texans will miss the playoffs. 
  57. Nashville, Tennessee residents should be very excited about the future of Cam Ward. They just need time.
  58. Calvin Ridley is my favorite Alabama Crimson Tide player of all time.
  59. What the fuck are the Indianpolis Colts doing?
    • RIP Jim Irsay
    • Everyone thought Anthony Richardson could be Cam Newton 2.0 yet that never happened. Good luck, Daniel Jones.
    • I will never forget when he tapped himself out for a play.
    • Shane Steichen is being shopped at (+600) to be the first NFL coach fired.
    • Andrew Luck retiring in 2019 sent this organization into a tail spin at that position.
  60.  Trevor Lawrence is on his third head coach in five NFL seasons.
    • DUUUVAAALLL – Liam Cohen. (+1000) for him to be COY. Hmm…
    • I am very intrigued to watch Travis Hunter do what he did in Boulder at the NFL level. Praying for no injuries.
  61.  I am wagering on the Jacksonville Jaguars to be the AFC South Champions. (+260)
  62.  In 2021, NEVER forget the legendary video of Urban Meyer, then HC of the Jaguars, shoving his hand up that blonde woman’s ass at a night club after a TNF game.
  63.  Or when Urban was on a yacht, doing a Zoom interview on live television, and a shirtless man ripped a bong bigger than Laramy Tunsil did on 2016 draft night, in the background.
    • Andy Dwyer from Parks and Recreation had more self-awareness than Urban. 
  64.  The NFC North is the younger but more rugged version of the AFC West.
  65.  Green Bay Packers – NFC North Champs. (+165)
    • How do you not bet the house on them?
    • If Micah stays healthy and Love takes that leap, I would take them to win the conference. (+650)
  66.  As sexy as a pick that the Detroit Lions have been for the last few years, I have some trepidation.
    • Losing two brilliant coordinators is not easy to replace (a la Ben Johnson and Aaron Glenn).
      • Look at the 2023 Philadelphia Eagles losing Shane Steichen and Jonathan Gannon.  
    • They were marred with injuries last year. 
    • There’s just something in the air in which I envision the Lions losing 3-4 one-score games this season and it comes back to bite them in Week 18. They are still (-170) to make the playoffs.
  67. The Minnesota Vikings are the most intriguing team in the NFL. (+114) to make the postseason.
    • JJ McCarthy’s last meaningful passing attempt in a game that counted: 605 days ago. January 8th, 2024 in the National Championship game.
    • They have the best coaching staff. Deep roster. Zero clue about their starting quarterback.
  68.  For some weird reason, the Chicago Bears squeaking into the playoffs as a Wild Card team doesn’t sound ridiculous. (+194)
    • It’s boom or bust. Ben Johnson will either elevate Caleb Williams to a Pro Bowler or make him crumble.
    • I am taking the former.
  69.  Caleb Williams will throw for 4250 yards this season.
  70. The Chicago Bears will have their first 4000 yard passer in franchise history. 
    • The curse is over. 
    • Rome Odunze will finish with more receiving yards and touchdowns than DJ Moore.
  71. The Bears will miss the playoffs due to a tie breaker in Week 18. 
  72. (Barring injuries) I predict Tampa Bay will win the NFC South (-155) and lose in heart-breaking fashion in the Divisional Round.
  73.  Mike Evans will break Jerry Rice’s record and reach his 12th consecutive 1000 yard season.
    • Mike Glennon threw Evans his first career touchdown reception in 2014. 
    • The only person with a longer neck than Glennon and Melman from Madagascar is Davis Mills.
  74.  Michael Penix will be the most picked-up player on the waiver wire after Week 1 concludes.
    • Atlanta (+138) to make the playoffs… Sign me up. Do I dare bet on them to win the division? (+210)
    • They can easily be a wild card team.
  75.  Bijan (pronounced “BIH-zhahn”) Robinson will flirt with LaDainain Tomlinson’s 2006 fantasy football shattering season as much as Joe Namath did with Suzy Colber on MNF.
  76. Bijan will win Offensive Player of the Year. (+1400)
    • The 2006 San Diego Chargers (14-2) team is the worst memory of my life.
  77.  Smash the living fuck out of the New Orleans Saints “UNDER” 4.5 win total.
    • Spencer Rattler is their starting QB. lmao
  78. The Dolphins, Browns, Saints and Titans to Each Miss the Playoffs? Yes, please. (-105)
  79. Arch Manning will not declare for the 2026 NFL Draft. Regardless if his grandfather’s former team is sitting on the clock. He will also not win the Heisman Trophy. 
    • Better odds payout with Garrett Nussmeier (LSU) or Cade Klubnik (Clemson).
  80. I predict the Carolina Panthers will not exercise Bryce Young’s fifth-year option.
  81.  NFC East Champion – Philadelphia Eagles (-130). That is the sentence.
  82.  The New York Giants will start (0-5) and name Jaxon Dart the starting Quarterback in Week 5 against New Orleans.
  83.  Brian Daboll will be fired on Black Monday.
  84.  The Dallas Cowboys will lose, at least four times this season, in comically, heart-breaking fashion. Lol.
  85.  Jerry Jones will still care more about his Forbes List valuation than actually winning a sixth Lombardi trophy.
  86.  I actually liked the Washington Football Team name in 2020. It was hilarious.
  87.  At (+220) to win the NFC East, are expectations too high for Washington?
  88. Between Dan Snyder (finally) selling the franchise and the magical rookie season Jayden Daniels had, the Commanders fan base is stronger than then the endzone bleachers at the end of the 2021 season.
    • We went into last season having the same discussion about CJ Stroud as we are right now with Jayden Daniels. I don’t think Daniels slumps as hard as Stroud did in his second year under center, but I do expect some regression.
    • Pro: Terry McLaurin signed a $96M extension. 
    • Con: Can he avoid injury from his “Hold-In” from Training Camp through the Preseason.
  89.  The NFC West is perplexing. Matthew Stafford’s lower back injury is even more confusing. The Rams (+200) chances to win the division might be as hazy as that shitass smog circling Long Beach.
  90.  Either my brain has been fried from drinking in Scottsdale, Arizona too much or I am just crazy enough to sprinkle money on the Cardinals to win the NFC West (+380).
    • Monti Ossenfort (GM) has surrounded Kyler Murray with weapons on offense. The defense has been bolstered. But the question remains… Kyler Murray?
    • If they miss the playoffs, it wouldn’t be shocking if they draft a future replacement. 
    • Kyler will never start again if he fucks this up this season.
    • They are (+122) to be a Wild Card team. Book it!
  91.  A lot has happened since their loss to Mahomes in February of 2020. In a half decade, the 49ers Super Bowl window has been simultaneously opened and closed to the tune of when Ace Ventura was describing the sound-proof glass after Roger Podacter was thrown off the balcony.
    • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIgyr1_Z_qA
      • Can we really trust social media videos promoting Christian McCaffrey’s health?
      • Kyle Shanahan has aged worse than a President in office.
      • A young defense will have to carry them… again.
      • Robert Saleh is the defensive coordinator.
      • We won’t see Brandon Aiyuk until after Halloween.
      • George Kittle might be their best offensive player (pending CMC’s health) at age 31.
      • Brock Purdy is an…. efficient quarterback. 
  92.  I feel like San Francisco will right the ship and win the NFC West (+135).
    • I predict Jimmy G wins two games this season as a starter in place of an injured Matthew Stafford at some point.
  93. The Seahawks will finish in 3rd place in the division.
    • Rookie safety Nick Emmanwori will finish third in D.R.O.Y voting behind Abdul Carter and Nick Marshall and earn Second Team All-Pro.
    • He is Gen Z Kam Chancellor.
  94.  Among the rookie quarterbacks, to no surprise, Cam Ward will finish with the highest QBR and win O.R.O.Y.
  95.  Baltimore Ravens rookie LB, Mike Green will win D.R.O.Y. (+1100)
  96.   Kellen Moore will make this face at least 63 times during his rookie head coaching season.
  97.  New Patriots rookie RB – TreVeyon Henderson will be the most productive rookie in fantasy football.
    • Chargers rookie RB Omarion Hampton will be just behind.
  98.  Shedeur Sanders set a national TV record this summer with how many hours were accumulated from national talking heads spent debating if he should start over Joe Flacco. 
    • He will be (0-1) as a starter in the lone chance he will get from the Browns this season.
  99.  Dillion Gabriel will make 9+ starts this season for the Browns.
  100.  Mike Vrabel will have the most wins out of the new Head Coach class this year. Ben Johnson will finish with one less.
  101. The Grand Finale: My pick to win it all:
    • I 100% guarantee I will catch flack for these picks. Call them chalk. Call them phony.
    • My NFC Winner: Green Bay Packers. (+650)
    • My AFC Winner: Buffalo Bills (+350)
    • Super Bowl LX Champion: Buffalo Bills (+700)

I love football season.

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