Everyone enjoys Happy Hour priced appetizers before their entree when they go out to dinner. They are delicious and whet the appetite before the main course.
The 2020 NFL Draft is the appetizer. The 2020 NFL season is the main course. Voila!
In regards to the analogy of Happy Hour, it is imperative to remember, this only applies to when this mother f****** coronavirus pandemic ends, and humanity is allowed to play outside again.
In the midst of the absolute worst-stretch of Sports Viewership history, Roger Goodell is finally delivering to the public. He is doing so by sending two, fat, white, wrinkly middle fingers to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention and continuing to (virtually) broadcast the 2020 NFL Draft.
I send a sincere, “Thank You,” to Jason Hehir. Jason is the director of The Last Dance. The Michael Jordan documentary where he led the Chicago Bulls to six NBA Finals titles. This is the only visual entertainment I have had other than playing fetch with my girlfriend’s dog on the occasional walk.
MJ, Scottie, and others constantly insult former Bulls General Manager, Jerry Krause, every chance they get. REST IN PEACE.
Social Distancing is still imperative. The amount of space between an errant pass by Mitchell Trubisky to any of his wide-open, Bears receivers is the same distance between each team’s front-office personnel member tonight in their virtual War Rooms.
I look forward to early spring, every year. The NFL Draft is the best reality show on television. Ten times better than those Kardashian bimbo’s. To make it difficult, I am going to rank my Top Five Comical Moments in NFL Draft history since 2000.
Give some credit to Mel Kiper Jr, who just missed the cut after his legendary altercation during the ’80s with former Baltimore Colts GM Bill Tobin.
My Top 5 Comical NFL Draft moments since 2000:
5) 2004: Eli Manning’s Face as a San Diego Super Charger.
Credit to my San Diego Chargers for not getting bullied by the Manning Family in their pure disdain towards America’s Finest City. It was hysterical when Paul Tagliabue announced that he was the first overall selection in the 2004 NFL Draft. Manning looked like Chris D’Elia when he tells an awful joke on stage when he was grimacing while holding a Charger jersey. Long story short, Eli bitching about not wanting to play in Mission Valley led to Philip Rivers being traded to San Diego and sending the cry baby to the New York Giants.
4) 2007: Brady Quinn’s Green Room Transformation.
Future NFL athletes would rather undergo a root canal procedure then feel the agonizing pain of not getting drafted by a team while waiting in the Green Room. Quinn went from looking like a GQ Cover model to a disheveled character from A Nightmare On Elm Street. Brady was drafted 22nd overall to the Cleveland Browns. One always wonders how B.Q’s career would have fared had he started his career with another organization.
3) 2005: Aaron Rodgers Free Fallin’, Free Fallin’.
Falling to the 24th pick to the Green Bay Packers was a godsend for the state of Wisconsin. The Brett Favre vs A-Rod debate depends on whether or not you were born after 1995. The odd family estrangement dilemma for Rodgers has been an interesting topic of conversation. As for his on-field play, nothing short of stellar. Two regular-season MVP’s. One Super Bowl MVP award. Does he have another one in him?
2) Delay Of Game. On The 2002-03 Minnesota Vikings Draft Pick Submission. 5 Yard Penalty, Re-Pick.
This is isn’t a freakin’ video game. Three months and 15 minutes elapse between the last game of the previous season to when the Commissioner is ready to announce your pick. House of Stark servant, Hodor from Game of Thrones has more self-awareness than Minnesota’s head coach, Mike Tice. Tice, along with former VP of Football Operations Rob Brzezinski looked dumbfounded and were verbally undressed by Dennis Green when this happened live. Every media outlet member was left scratching their heads and all had the collective, “W-T-F just happened,” moment.
1)Where were you doing during the 2016 NFL Draft?
When an NSFW video leaked on Twitter, in real-time, of former Ole Miss offensive tackle Laremy Tunsil?
I was sitting in my college living room laughing hysterically. Laremy was ripping a gas mask-bong harder than Cheech and Chong combined. Tunsil’s draft stock fell precipitously. . . To the 13th overall pick to the Miami Dolphins. Can you imagine if that was a Quarterback? Yikes. He was traded to the Houston Texans in 2019 and is due for a contract extension soon because he is actually a badass linemen.
L.T didn’t mean any harm. He was just too high to realize he was being recorded.
Stay on your toes, kids!
2020 NFL Draft Time; ESPN (Roger Goodell’s Basement) 8 PM (ET), 5 PM (PT).